STORIES AND STORY IDEAS

On Being Quiet

Before she knew it, Mariah had consumed a half gallon tub of Blue Bell rocky road ice cream.  Her emotions were so raw she’d lost track of time again. Her body that was no longer a svelte size seven, lumbered across the four feet into the kitchen and rinsed the empty tub in the sink before tossing it into the garbage can. She couldn’t afford to have ants in the kitchen again.  Malcolm was sure to lecture and non-too nicely. Mariah placed the spoon into the half empty dish washer which she refused to cut on until she had a full load. She didn’t want to get into it with Malcolm about not conserving energy.  She’d just eaten a dose of sweet pain away after he’d accused her of over drafting the checking account again.   

Malcolm had been vicious when he tore into her about being irresponsible.  He made her feel like such a worthless dumb butt. She bit back the tears as he yelled at her and refused to interrupt his tirade. All she could think about at the time was that this was the man who had promised to love, honor and cherish her until death parted them.   

When Malcolm finally left for work Miriam sat down on the lime green Naugahyde couch in the living room with the frayed lesions on the seat cushion where her butt had shaped a permanent dimple and opened a box of Lorna Doones to go with the ice cold glass of milk on the TV tray beside her. She knew she shouldn't indulge and she was on her way to yet another rant from Malcolm about her weight. She could only hope that maybe it wouldn't be so bad this time. Who am I kidding? she thought.

With the first bite, Mariah said good bye to her resolve to lose the extra pounds that hung around her middle and along with it her dream that she would ever be happy again. 

We’ve all been there at one time or another.
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Definition of A Dream

The sleeping figure of a teenage girl sprawled across the bed with a pillow covering her head.  Her legs were tangled in a crotchet throw cover which she crocheted with her very own hands.  Her body lies still for she is at absolute peace until a booming voice disturbed that peace. 

 “Wake Up! Wake Up!  You’ve been in bed long enough.”

The voice is that of her mom’s brother who she resides with in Pacoima, California as his house guest. That teenager was me and I’d just slept for an unbelievable 17 hours straight.  

My uncle, Tandy, had come into my room to check on me to make sure I wasn’t dead.  That not being the case, he proceeded to chew me out.  He spoke a little too fast—running his words together—a little something he inherited from his father, Hosey Thomas, who’d come here from Barbados.   In no uncertain terms he let me know that in his house all able bodied souls needed to work or at least be out looking for work.   He also told me that the only thing I would find in bed was a dream.  He advised me that I would do well to get out of bed and start living instead of lying there and dreaming about life.

For the past few years I felt as if I’ve been in bed but I didn’t dream even when I was asleep.  After so many years of not dreaming I was motivated to search for the places where dreams may be found.  To get started on this journey I needed to know what dreams were.  So I pulled out a Webster’s dictionary,  one of the one’s you can no longer find in print—or readily find on the shelves in the library, to see what was the definition of a dream.  The date of the volume I found was 1971 and it read:  dream: 1) A series of thoughts, images, or emotions occurring during sleep; a semblance of reality or events occurring to one asleep.  2) An experience of waking life having the characteristics of a dream as: (a) A visionary creation of the imagination.

That definition got me to thinking about my dreams and why dreaming was something I no longer was able to do.  I was no longer a visionary, I lacked creativity, and my imaginings were all dark and unhealthy. I had to find a way of bringing my waking life experiences back to life. So I searched for ways to get in touch with my emotions and thoughts and try to flip reality so to speak. As a result of my search I became more aware of my predicament and was inspired to write Where Dreams May Be Found which is not only my continued search for answers in my blog, but ialso a poem featured in my poetry book Inspirational Verse for Those Who Hunger and Thirst. 

Where Dreams May be Found 
A dream is the wish your heart makes
On the hope it will come true,
Fulfillment of that dream is the action that the body takes
To face all of the obstacles it has to go through.
Like shaking a nation free of racial prejudice,
Traveling through the hallowed halls of space
Extending the life of those who lay dying
Or to share with the world the power of God's saving grace.

Dreams are not only found in a cozy bed
On a pillow beneath a sleeping head,
You can find them in the graveyard
Buried forever among the cold and the dead.
Jesus spoke of a servant given a talent which he spitefully hid,
Unwilling to increase his master's money as his fellow servants did.
For his treachery he lost his talent to another already with ten,
To be cast into outer darkness quicker than his head could spin.

Not unlike talent, in the most inconspicuous places
Dreams may be found,
And like talent they were never intended to wind up underground.
The only thing worse than wasted talent is unrealized dreams,
Or at least that's the way it seems.
So talented soul please don't take your dreams
To the grave with you,
And miss out on the chance of being able to help make
Someone else's unrealized dreams come true.
                       

I got the idea for the book years ago when I was active in church and wanted to share my voice through poetry.  But there came a time when I had no desire to be seen or heard.  I let go of the idea for the book along with the dream of seeing my work in print, performed on the stage, or up on the silver screen. Fortunately, the toggle switch was turned back on to PLAY.  Now I am again filled with the ambition to set my inner author, poet, and screenwriter free to live the dream that God has for me. 

How did the turnaround come about?  You might ask. Well, I’ll tell you.  For starters I was encouraged by a friend who saw how unhappy I was.  Next I went back to the place where I first started having dreams in the beginning—the house where I grew up.  If you want to take the journey with me as I continue my search or you want to read more poems like Where Dreams May Be Found, look for Inspirational Verse for Those Who Hunger and Thirst.  

I hope you will be inspired to find your lost dreams.

And in parting, don’t be afraid to live the dream God has for you.

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Let’s Talk About Depression

When you feel like you're out there all alone.

What is Depression?

One Definition of depression is a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest.

5 Signs of Depression that feed off one another that I am personally acquainted with are the following:

1. No Desire To Wash: Overwhelming sadness can make you forget the last time you bathed or changed your clothing.
   
2. Overweight: Weight gain is a by product of depression because you tend to find comfort in food with no exercise regimen to offset over eating.
   
3. Sloppy Clothing: After gaining the weight you take comfort in wearing tops that slouch and jogging pants that let your belly bulge hang free.
   
4. Making Excuses to Stay Away From Everyone: When you are depressed you have no desire to go out and you don't want company because you haven't washed your butt or changed your sloppy unwashed clothing.
   
5. Physical Pain: The severe loss of desire to communicate with others and the overworking of your organs and joints to support the added weight can manifest itself as physical pain in your body. You start out resorting to over the counter pain killers for relief, but you eventually graduate to opiates that you get your hands on either legally or illegally, and then the cycle continues.

All of these behaviors relate to and perpetuate one another and before you know it you find that the monkey on your back has grown from a Chimpanzee to a Silver Back Gorilla. You find yourself constantly trying to get out from the unbearable weight.

I wrote in my book Inspirational Verse for Those Who Hunger and Thirst about depression feeling like the weight of the Clouds...

Weight of the Clouds . . . 

There were days when the clouds hung so low that I felt they would touch the ground and never let me up from under the weight that held my mind in a prison designed by the enemy, the father of all lies, who wished to have me. I was of two minds during this time. I wanted God to save me from myself and the bad decisions I was making because I believed that God could. But I also blamed God for not helping me when things went wrong and not coming to my rescue. I wasted so much time waiting on God to show up—only to realize that God had been waiting on me. 

I thanked God for waiting and promised him that I would not waste the chance I was given to help someone else find the way to get out from under the weight of their depression.

You're always the last one to know that you're depressed. You can get help for your depression thru therapy, anti-depressants, and finding your way back to the place in your life when you were happy. I tried each of those in my search for my cure, for depression is indeed a disease. I did not find fulfillment until I found my voice to speak out about my depression which I constantly battle with.

I will talk more about my journey back to wellness in another post.

So until then...

Don't take what you can get.

Get what you want.